Last night I went to the library and as I browsed the shelves I saw (and heard) two children (probably about 5-6 yrs old) running wildly throughout the library, playing tag/hide and seek.  It didn’t take long for the librarian to find them and I heard her sternly say “Where’s your grown up?”  I thought—well, nowhere around here is my guess.

Last week on a trip with my granddaughter to a playground, I saw idyllic scenes of grandmas and young mothers playing with their toddlers and interacting verbally, watching them closely. Then there were also some kids running wild all around the playground, sometimes plowing right past toddlers on the verge of tipping over.  My teacher voice kicked in once, but there was not a grown-up to be seen with those kids either.

Then there was story time at the library…one toddler was busy crawling all over the room while mom was on her phone (and other mothers were attending to the child, trying to guide the little girl back to the mom.) And no cell phones are permitted during story time!

There’s the child who is playing wildly while in a public place, bumping into younger children or simply racing around having fun.  And we all look at them and think—what would I do?  Or…really?!

Believe it or not, that child may want to stop. Yep, you read that correctly. He is doing all of this to find out where his boundaries are set.

That child has no set rules, no clear boundaries, so he keeps increasing his bad behavior to see if he’s reached Dad’s or Mom’s bottom line yet (or whomever is supposed to be watching him).  He’s thinking like a child, not an adult. He unconsciously wants to know where the rules are.

Remember, children don’t think like we do. Their brains are still being wired, so to speak. They don’t have access to full logical thinking, yet. That center of the brain isn’t activated until around age 7. Even after it’s activated a child still doesn’t fully think like an adult. That doesn’t happen until around voting age. 😉 That’s why parents are freaked out, and rightfully so, by the choices that teens and first year college students make. Childhood is all about learning from choices and consequences and children haven’t achieved mastery, yet.

When I was teaching, we had clear rules for every classroom activity.  In the beginning of the year, we’d actually rehearse the daily, common rules many times and there were consequences if expectations weren’t met.  Of course, we attended to the child that needed extra assistance, but generally all children need to know what’s up and how they should behave. And we need to be consistent.

I’m certainly not THE authority on this.  I believe that I’m still learning too!  And this is certainly not an exhaustive list, but one based on a few ideas for the above- mentioned scenarios, from what I’ve learned over the years as a parent and teacher.

Here are some tips for parents or caregivers in regard to their little ones:

*It’s my job to keep you safe and to be attentive to you.

*I’m in charge.

*I will let you know your boundaries in advance.

*I will speak to you in an age appropriate way.

*It’s important to clean up your messes and to treat others respectfully.

*I have faith in you and your abilities.

*When I correct you, I’ll make sure you know that I love you.

So, kudos to the parents who are already do this.  I’m sure many teachers thank you as well, even if silently.  It’s not an easy job, parenting.  But I have faith in you!  Best wishes for joyful parenting.  RHK